August 10, 2009

Dear Diary,

You know the old adage "Brevity is the soul of wit?" Well, perhaps you can tell by the length of this entry that wit is not what I'm going for. I haven't quite figured out the life-blood of this diary, to be honest. Is it to give you an accurate picture of what goes on in the heart of the single? Or is it to be a satire on the single life?

To be honest, I am discouraged today. I am down-hearted. And I haven't quite decided whether that's ok. I would say that if I believed in coincidence as the definitive voice of God then, perhaps God was speaking to me on the way home from the movies last night. Or perhaps even during the movies.

I saw a movie in which the two female leads were named Summer (a variation on my middle name) and Autumn (often mistaken for my first name). Reading into this, I would extract some mystic message that someone out there is desperate to meet and fall in love with me. This should provide encouragement.

So on the way home, I turned on my iPod as I often do and the first song was one by a group called The Waiting (coincidental in that I'm "waiting for him to come along") called "You Believe." The only line I know or can even recollect is "You believe enough for the both of us." On it's own, I could maybe read into that being that I can hold out hope that the other half of my "both" will come along. That's weak. However, when followed by "Make Believe" by Bing Crosby and then "If love were all" by Judy Garland (which contains the line, "I believe..."), it gives one pause. I know that iPod seems to at times, intuitively latch ahold of a theme for the evening. Sometimes it's a particular artist, sometimes, a genre, ...Last night it's apparently a common word. So is there a theme of holding out hope being sent to me from the heavens through my iPod? Of believing when I feel the most discouraged about circumstances being as they are? I don't doubt that God COULD send such messages through my iPod. But I think it's coincidence, friends.

Nevertheless, today I need such encouragement. I am not a super-woman. I have always lived with the hope of finding someone to shoulder the weight of life with me. Why does it seem some days like it's never going to happen to me? It brings on self-doubt, self-pity, and about every other selfish emotion you can imagine. Being yourself alone can have that affect.

However, I have resolved to treat my iPod with respect. I'll take it's advice and just keep on keeping on. Maybe I'll travel to France in the Spring (since the very next song that came up happened to be "Mademoiselle de Paris") and hopefully soon, I'll have that Happy Ending projected in the 5th song on the list ("Someday My Prince Will Come").

You never know what tomorrow holds....