September 23, 2009

Dear Diary,

I have long been frustrated at the lack of initiative many guys have these days. And I'm not sure it's that necessarily, but at least in relation to me, not many guys will approach. I'm not trying to be self-deprecating, it's just the truth. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've been asked out. Well, that's probably not true, either, but it doesn't happen a lot. And I figure it's probably the circles I run in. Christian guys especially have little initiative.

However, at recess yesterday, I think I discovered what happened. As I sat there watching the kids play and receiving 3-4 bouquets of wild flowers from the girls in my class, I happened to notice a little 1st grade boy. He had wandered around the playground gathering what appeared to be pine needles (the long ones that come in twos, not the little douglas fir, kind), and carefully and deliberately put them together in a bouquet of his own. Then, looking as proud as can be, held them straight out in front of him, and leaned back to admire them, quite proud of his work. And not lowering them one bit, he walked right over to the 1st grade girl of his choice and was ready to pass them off as a token of affection when she spotted him and took off running. He chased her briefly, and then gave up.

This, I imagine, is a common experience among little boys. And at receiving such a reaction, I'm pretty sure they are not eager to approach with more flowers anytime soon. I don't fault the boys in this scenario. Rather I see myself in that little girl. As much as I am eager for the right boy to come along, I tend to decide right away whether he's the "right" one, and if he's not, I'm outta there lickity split! I panic, I babble, I make up excuses, or just plain look the other way. For some reason, dating just to date is a scary thing to me. It's something I'm willing to work on, though.

Here's hoping tomorrow my feet are more firm...