November 30, 2009

Dear Diary,

Last night, while putting up Christmas decorations, my mind started to wander. In fact, it was a very heartwarming evening. I made dinner for my parents and my brother and a friend. I got some cleaning and laundry done. I listened to Christmas music, and I put up the tree. Or a tree, anyway. We might do two this year.

But as I put up the tree, I started to think about the things I'm reading about in this book. I started to think about how confidence is an attractive quality in people. And I started thinking about my 'internal issues.' I think some of those have to do with insecurity and lack of confidence. Because I always find it hard to find the line between confidence and over-confidence. I'm never sure where the line is, so I always err on the side of no confidence.

But as I said yesterday, I'm beginning to feel a bit more empowered every day. And I suddenly felt emboldened to ask a certain someone out. Or to be frank about wanting to go out sometime, anyway. I can't tell you who that is, because I promised I wouldn't think about him anymore. And I really haven't to the extent that I was before. Which is perhaps why I started to feel a little bolder. I kind of want to go out with him just to see if I actually would like him. In my mind, it has kind of turned the corner to wondering if he's good enough for me. Does that make sense?

Well, anyway, perhaps I'll make such sentiments known tomorrow. ...Or I'll be gripped again with insecurity... Who knows what tomorrow holds..."

November 29, 2009

Dear Diary,

So the book continues to make me feel empowered. Today, I tried "changing my traffic pattern" again. I think I am becoming more aware of my "approachability" as time goes on. I'm more and more careful to look up and make eye contact. I try to get a handle on how eager I am to look away to avoid awkward moments.

So, I headed back to the big church today. I even went alone so that I wasn't tagging along with Mom and Dad or anyone else that might make me unapproachable. Unfortunately, nothing happened. I really do grow discouraged about finding someone at church because everyone's always so careful there. On the other hand, I don't want to fall in love anywhere else. So I'm stuck.

Which brings me to another point. The author keeps placing blame for one's "stuckness." He says it is because of internal issues, not situation or circumstance. He pushes you to search within to discover your internal warfare. I have never really considered myself to be tortured in any way on the inside. Do I have issues? I suppose it's possible, but I wouldn't have a clue what to even look for. Do you know what they are?

Maybe I'll discover something tomorrow...

November 28, 2009

Dear Diary,

I have, over the years, developed an inherent mistrust of mood rings. I never wanted it to be that way. I wanted to believe them. I think in the 7th grade perhaps is when they were popular. I bought one a few years back out of reminiscence. In the 7th grade, though, the ring came with a table of what each color meant. It dictated my mood as my ring changed color.

Growing up, I believed it to be true. I was always in and out of "relationships" in school. Always had a boyfriend to hold hands with and daydream about. And my mood ring told me so. Every day, without fail, my ring turned a deep blue. According to the table, that meant that I was "happy & in love." I couldn't argue with that. I sure felt it.

But you know what? I put it on the other day. On a day that I was feeling a little "blue" inside. A day when I was not interested in anyone I already know. You know what that ring told me? It turned that same deep blue it always turned in junior high. "No, I'm not!" I argued. I was neither happy nor in love that day. But Mood Ring just kept shining away in its blissful blue decadence.

I don't trust them anymore. They were never atune to what my "mood" was. They were only faking it. Making it up. That day should have shown black or red. One of which meant anger or fear or sadness. That's what I was really feeling that day. Certainly not "happy and in love."

You don't suppose there is other foolery out there, do you? I've heard rumors about Santa Claus and Mickey Mouse. You don't suppose they're on the same Mood Ring team, do you? Nah, couldn't be!

We'll see what kind of mood we have tomorrow...

November 27, 2009

Dear Diary,

I wait all year for this very day. The Christmas season has begun. And in honor of such a day, I'd like to turn our attention to the grand tradition of Mistletoe. You see, I think the emblem has lost a bit of its power over the years. I think it's lost a bit of its prominence in decorating. But in no uncertain terms has its necessity been diminished. Now is the time when we need mistletoe more than ever.

And by "we" I refer to the single lot of us, who roam the earth unequal to the task of relationships without the commanding power of the mistletoe. We may fear its power when used for evil rather than good, but I know there is good in it. I know it has magical powers that can catapult two people into a happiness never before experienced. I know, that when used correctly, this little arrangement of leaves and berries can bring about beautiful results.

You see, I have before been under its power. But such occurrences were deemed "too little, too late." No, mine was not an occasion of beginnings. Mine, was an aoccasion of "obligation." I would like to see this great tradition restored to its rightful place, putting awkward moments between friends, and beloved memories among crushes. I would like to see who might meet me betwixt mistletoe and floor this holiday season. And what exciting results might pursue? It will not be the boyfriend of "yore" who dragged me beneath, but a stranger perhaps with mysterious eyes and a bewitching smile. (It wouldn't hurt if he listened to 40s music).

When are you hanging your mistletoe? Mine will be up tomorrow...

November 26, 2009

Dear Diary,

Happy Thanksgiving! It's probably fairly safe to say that no effort was put forth to add numbers to my log today. Today was about spending time with family. That's the case for most of us on such a holiday. We had a great lunchtime celebration.

But the day started off with a guilt-trip from my scale. Yep, it's hard to just let loose and feast when the scale has told you that another pound is gone. Missing. Can't be found. Well, it took much effort, but I decided very soon to take a lesson from the Bible.

See, just like that shepherd left the 99 and went searching for that one lost lamb, I too would head out in search of that lost pound. I searched for most of the morning and afternoon. Even through dessert, and my arrival back at home. I can tell you now that I will sleep happily. That lost pound has been found.

(It should be noted, though that tomorrow I plan to lose it again...)

November 25, 2009

Dear Diary,

I did actually put in a call to "It's Just Lunch" just to see if that free trial offer still exists. Apparently, though, they believe in holiday breaks, and I just had to leave a message. We'll see if I hear anything back.

Meanwhile I spent most of the afternoon with my mom, my sister, and my aunt. Mostly we shopped, with a bit of dinner and a movie thrown in at the end. It was a good day.

Along the way, we came around to a game we have probably played numerous times before. It's the celebrity version, of "Who's your future spouse?" It's played pretty much like the normal game, but your spouse is chosen from the numerous faculty of the silver screen. And to add futher twist, tonight, we were unable to choose our own. They were chosen for us.

We could all probably name the ones I'd pick for myself. (Unfortunately Bing doesn't count being as he's on the other side, nowadays...) There'd be Taylor Hicks, Bruce Willis, perhaps some Russell Crowe, or that Ryan Seacrest fellow. But that's not who I got...Let me start at the beginning.

Somehow we happened upon the topic of "healthy." We were discussing how much dieting is appropriate on holidays. And we wound around to the top 100 healthiest people. That chick from "Biggest Loser" is apparently #1 on that list, but Dr. Travis, from "The Bachelor" also placed fairly high. I missed that season. (In fact, I've missed almost all of "The Bachelor" seasons, but I digress). Anyway, ever since Mom saw him on that show, she thought she should fix him up with her eldest daughter. (That's not me, but sis). And so the game began...

She always saw her with that type. Sis laughs at Mom for always wanting to fix her up with a Ken doll. Then we got to me. Sis says the "youth minister type." And by that, she means, goofy personality, a little wacky. And they always had the coloring picked out from that first "youth minister" that I used to date. I think he was always everybody's favorite...including mine...But the celebrity they picked ended up being Ewan Macgregor. I don't have a problem with that at all. I don't see "youth minister" in him, but he apparently describes his own self as a "scallywag" so, I suppose the wacky factor is there.

For Aunt, we picked George Clooney, and someone else...I can't remember now. I found myself a little jealous of her, as I would have liked to have George. But since I'm marrying Obi Wan I can't really complain.

For Mom, it was Robert Redford. I can see that. I find it a little odd to try to imagine Mr. Redford as "Daddy" but he probably matches Mom okay. (But "no dog's better than Dad").

After finishing round one, sis asked for a recount, finding herself somewhat jealous that I got a jedi master, and she got Dr. Travis. And in all honesty, it wasn't all that fair, since her's wasn't chosen from the whole lineup. So we reconsidered and came up with Ryan Reynolds or that guy from "He's Just Not That Into You." The blonde guy with the bad storyline. He's in that movie with Julia Roberts that's coming out soon.

Anyway, who would you pick? Or rather who would you have me pick for you? Or the other way around, even?

Will the force be with me tomorrow?...

November 24, 2009

Dear Diary,

At last, school is out for the week and I can carry on with the Thanksgiving festivities. They began today with our 2nd Grade Thanksgiving Feast. We had a good time and the turkey was phenomenal. But the tryptophan got me pretty quick. I was zapped by the day's end.

But it wasn't anything a little pizza with a friend couldn't cure. I know what you're thinking. "But you just had a Thanksgiving feast!" Yes, it's true, but I was so focused on getting through it and making sure the kids were all accounted for and that we were able to get in our special entertainment before the parents took off with them, so I really didn't end up eating as much as I would have otherwise. Plus, it was just one slice of pizza.

At any rate, it was good because we got to talking about Bing, and nothing lifts my spirits better than Mr. Crosby. Then I rushed home to prepare for company that got delayed an hour because of the combination of rain and I4. Either way, it all worked out and I finally am beginning my vacation time.

Last weekend when I was getting ready to head out on my Cincinnati vacation, I got a curious call from an organization called "It's Just Lunch." You may recognize that name as the company that I told you about several months ago. This was the group that was willing to set me up on a lunch date with a perfect match...for the low, low price of $2000 per year. Turns out they're trying to drum up business in my area and are willing to give me a free trial. That's right. At no cost to me. Now, I have to admit, that under no circumstances would I ever pay the amount they were asking in order to continume my membership, so I'm just not sure what would be included in the free trial. And how long does the trial last? And why would I continue if they're having trouble drumming up business in my area? Just some questions that came to mind. Another one is whether that free trial offer is still good if I called them back. They said I needed to call before 7pm last Friday. Is it still worth the call?

Perhaps I'll call tomorrow...

November 23, 2009

Dear Diary,

This is a short week at work, which is nice, and very welcome after an exhuasting weekend of travel. I still can't bring myself to get any rest, yet. Perhaps tomorrow. In the meantime, I have discovered a fantastic website, I'd like to introduce you to. If I don't take advantage of it, someone ought to.

Let me say, first that I participate in the My Coke Rewards program. And because of that, I occasionally withold coke rewards from my school. Sorry, school. Apparently the school can earn points toward something, but I redeem myself slightly by occasionally tossing one their way as well. Or donating points. But to be honest, I don't drink enough Coke products to really have an abundance anyway. Now, having said that, I finally reached enough points to qualify for a magazine subscription. My first Self magazine arrived in record time (of any subscription I've ever had in my lifetime), and I found it when I returned home from my trip.

While perusing the pages, I happened upon a website for finding (and test-driving) your dream job. That dream job can be anywhere from Broadway Musical Director, to Alpaca Breeder, to Karate Instructor, to Sword Crafter. Now, I have to be honest that this sounds like a vacation I'd like to take. I have oft mentioned that I don't have a clue what I really want to be doing, but that's one fun way to find out. Did you know that you can shadow Jeff Calhoun (apparent Broadway producer/director/actor/performer/etc) for 2 whole days and decide if that's the life for you? Or head off to a Bed & Breakfast in New Hampshire and determine whether B&B ownership's your thing? I think Vocation Vacations is in my future.

I only wonder how much swordcrafting experience I have to have in order to experience it first-hand, before deciding to chuck it all and open a sword....crafting....place....thing...

Anyway, anyone ready for a roadtrip? Perhaps tomorrow?....

November 22, 2009

Dear Diary,

I honestly love to travel. And my experiences this weekend were no exception. I have told you a little already, but may I expound upon some details?

First of all, I wish I could really express to you how much I enjoyed the show. And again, a million thanks to my Broadway friend who secured the tickets. I really wasn't sure what to expect because the movie is a personal favorite. But I have been around the stage enough to know that you can't expect the movie acted out onstage. Certain changes must be made. But to be honest, even the changes that weren't absolutely neccessary, still played out very well on the stage. The small changes in detail and the direction of different storylines were synergized with the use of classic lines from the movie. And sometimes, those quotes were used in a completely new context, with completely new delivery and meaning, and yet it made it that much more enjoyable to see it live. The costumes were unbelievable. And it utilized the classic, traditional style of production numbers that I love in a musical. I was not only impressed, I was choked up. And the other details that I want to emote about I will keep to myself, because my Broadway friend didn't spoil them and it was that much better as a surprise.

As for my visit with Radar, let me preface this by saying that he remains a great friend. But my frustration with him has grown. I think we are just not cut out for each other. And I'm not surprised by this because this is the exact same conclusion I come to every time. I feel bothered that he won't make a decision about anything. He is becoming more and more introverted. And our interests are increasingly distant. Not only that, but shouldn't a guy hold a door every now and then?

Having said that, Radar, I still love you. But let's just agree this thing is over, and move on with our friendship. What do you say? (By the way, he's completely unaware that this Diary exists).

The sermon topic at my friend's church this morning was coincidentally about being Single. I was enthused that it happened to coincide with my visit. Pretty much because as you can tell, I absolutely love being single. I actually really enjoyed it. He brought in a panel of single people to discuss their "season" in life. I especially liked the season on the far right...

I can't say I took great insight from the panelists, but it did prompt me to want to poll my own panel of singles about how they felt about their seasons. Panelists? What do you think?

Anyway, the plane trip back had little to add to my log, but before boarding I did have a very brief encounter with a young man who may have just stepped off a rap music tour. Are the kids still calling it rap these days? I have no idea. Anyway, the wardrobe was in that style. He was nice, and smiley, which I enjoy, but no real sparks. He commented that he liked my style, and then there was really nothing more to say after that.

I'm not sure what tomorrow holds except for the start to a very short work week...

November 21, 2009

Dear Diary,

So I'm sitting here in my friend's living room and reflecting on not only the past couple of days, but on life since we last saw each other. And not only that, but since college even. And it's been really good to talk to her and to see her and to reflect on our lives. I have found in this journey that it's really important to have close girl friends like her.

This weekend has been really great, so far. It started with the fact that I actually sat next to a hot, nice, single guy on the plane up here. And the entire time I was thinking, "How can I seem approachable and friendly, and yet not be the instigator of the conversation?" So I put away my iPod, my book, my sudoku puzzle, and I smiled. ...And sat...and twiddled my thumbs...I messed with the light above my seat, the window next to me, the air vents. Ordered some peanuts and a diet coke. Wondered exactly what is club soda. And never said a word. Neither did he. He on the other hand, although friendly while boarding, proceeded to bury his nose in a book and his ears in some headphones. He was unapproachable. Finally as we were landing, I asked him the time. And he responded with a smile. But nothing else. So as we taxied up to the terminal, I asked him if he was from Cincinnati. And he was. And finally we had a conversation. For that 15 minutes or so during the departure procedures. He was very nice. Very handsome. And very much had a girlfriend. But he satisfies all those criteria we were looking for. So there's one for the log.

My visit with Radar was nice, but not significant.

My visit with Bing however, couldn't have gone better if I'd planned it myself. How could Bing ever disappoint. Anyway, if you've never seen the stage production of "White Christmas" and you have the opportunity this season. Do it. You won't regret it.

So we'll see what tomorrow holds...

November 20, 2009

Dear Diary,

Well, it's the big day! I'm hopping a flight to Cincinnati in only a matter of hours. Who knows what the weekend holds, but if nothing else I get to spend a great time with two good friends and see Bing reincarnate on the stage.

Well, actually, that would be a little freaky. But at least I get to kick off this Christmas season in style. This is seriously my favorite time of year. And White Christmas is my favorite Christmas movie of all time. With any luck, the stage show can become an annual tradition! :)

As for my log assignment, who knows? Perhaps I'll be seated next to some qualifying candidates on the flight over. Or even waiting at the airport. I just have to be careful to not bury myself in my iPod or novel. Look up, kid. Smile. Make eye contact!

I just hope the weekend off my diet doesn't undo what I've accomplished over the last several weeks.

Perhaps tomorrow will tell...

November 19, 2009

Dear Diary,

Let it be officially confirmed that I have hit panic mode. I'm having the hardest time deciding which of my twelve pairs of jeans will look the cutest. And I texted Mom to see if she could come for a late night last minute haircut. I should have anticipated this. And I sort of did. This is about the time after a haircut when it begins to feel awkward again. It won't do what I want it to do because it's too long and thick. But if I try something else, it's too short, so I am panicking. (Is that supposed to be spelled with a k?)

Anyway, there's no reason for it at all, because Radar has known me for over ten years, now I believe. And he has seen me at my worst. (And loved me through that). So why do I quarrel with myself over how exactly I should arrive at the airport when he picks me up? And that is basically a rhetorical question because we all know that regardless of our history, this is another "first impression" ...at least since I saw him in May. And I want a reaction that I read about in stories and novels when a guy sees, for the first time, a girl he's known all his life. That's what I'm going for.

But part of me thinks it's just to have the upper hand. What about the kind of impression he makes on me? Will I not consider that? Perhaps it's better to think about it as though he has to win me over, not the other way around. But that's a harder attitude to achieve sometimes.

At any rate, in this side of 24 hours, I will be off to dinner and a movie in the passenger seat of his Mustang. And that's what tomorrow holds...(after that pesky work day of course)

November 18, 2009

Dear Diary,

It was yet another busy day today in the life of this single girl. But a good one. Today we celebrated the State Opening of Parliament with the 2nd grade classes. Although my voice is tired, the rest went off without a hitch.

And as for my log assignment, I'd have to say that I came close to adding to the numbers today. Even twice. I think that a lot of times, I shut guys down before they even approach. It's not intentional, it's that painfully shy girl living inside of me. I have a tendency to avoid eye contact, to avoid "appearing" interested. I think that as a Christian girl, you grow up sensitive to issues as to whether or not that guy is already attached. Married or not, he may have someone and it's hard to know. And I don't want to even have the appearance of "hitting on" some other girl's guy. I know that sounds like a cop out, but I really wonder how it's done. The older I've gotten, the worse I've gotten at flirting.

But the two gentlemen tonight, I made an effort to glance and smile and hold eye contact. Both gentlemen were at Macy's. One was working (and therefore didn't have an abundance of time to stop and chat) and the other was walking from his truck past my car, which I had already climbed into. And Mom was a stone's throw away. Is he going to approach a girl already buckled in with her mom watching from across the row? Doubtful. So although it showed promise, there are still zero men in the log this week.

Luckily there are just 2 more days until the Cincinnati weekend.

But before that even, there's tomorrow...

November 17, 2009

Dear Diary,

Whew! Life is just spinning along. I'm actually surprised that I have a minute to sit down and write to you tonight. And I'm wondering just how I'm going to work that out this weekend. But I'll figure something out. Or miss my first day of my diary after 120 some posts.

At any rate, with the evening almost over, I'm starting to feel as though the major hurdles of the week are becoming a distant memory as well. And now it's time to focus fully on the adventures ahead.

I have to admit that I keep having dreams that Radar and I get back together. Sometimes I wake up sad that it's just a dream, and sometimes, I'm a little relieved. What does that say? Probably just confirms what I feel about him on a daily basis. ...A little in love and a little terrified...

And today I got to talk to Friendly again, which was nice. I haven't talked to him in awhile. All this advice in the book I'm reading lately makes me think of him. Mostly because if I am dating to find a husband (which the book advises against), I would never go out with him. But if I were following the author's advice, I think a date with Friendly would be a fun time. That's all.

We'll see what tomorrow holds...

November 16, 2009

Dear Diary,

Sometimes it's hard to believe the amount of stuff one is required to do in such a small amount of time. I really try hard to stay focused and motivated during the week to get the stuff done that not only needs to get done, but that I want to get done. But sometimes, things arise and make it difficult to get a good night's rest so that such things can be accomplished. And it just so happens that last night around 11pm, something very pressing came up and could be unavoided. The Indianapolis Colts made an outrageous comeback against the New England Patriots.

Like many viewers, I was discouraged. I thought we were done for. There was but a small glimmer of confidence in my team. And I may have said before at some point that the fact of the matter is that I love to be a fan. Sometimes, I like being a fan more than what I'm actually a fan of. But fandome certainly won me over last night, and I stayed up to see those last 2 minutes tick away on the game clock. And I watched as that hope inside me grew brighter and brighter until I was jumping up and down and twittering like mad. The Colts had beaten the Patriots and remained undefeated.

I love that feeling of fighting so hard for something, overcoming great obstacles, and at last achieving a victory. I felt like that at the race on Sunday. I've honestly felt like that has been my semester and the victory is still out there looming. But even more than that, I feel that way about this endeavor at finding a husband. At times there seem to be great odds. At times I feel completely done for. I feel like giving up, sometimes. But I know that my guy is out there. And I know that someday that much needed victory will come.

I apologize for the blatant and obvious comparison, but seriously, don't you love that feeling?

Perhaps tomorrow I'll be more clever...

November 15, 2009

Dear Diary,

Well, I survived the 10K & 5K this morning. I very nearly can't move at the moment, but I did lose another pound in the process. That makes me happy in addition to the fact that the race tshirt is quite possibly my favorite of any races I've done.

The race itself was enjoyable for the sheer fact that there was a sheriff who was particularly attractive and quite chatty. It was perhaps the smallest race I've ever attended as far as participants are concerned and well along the course, the pack had thinned out quite a bit. I had this particular sheriff to myself 3 times along the way. (He switched posts that many times between the 2 races). We chatted about how running is a mental sport at times. He did a lot of smiling, and we joked about the route directions for the course. It's moments like that when I wish I brought a camera with me on the run. But alas, I have no photos to share with you of the handsome officer.

Meanwhile, I'm getting excited about the Cincinatti trip just 5 days away and my date with Radar on Friday night. We're gonna hit the movies, at the "lux" level. That should be a fun experience as we don't have anything like that here. And the movies are usually a good catalyst for our relationship. Did I ever tell you how we got together in the first place?

It was during a screening of The Mask of Zorro at the Student Union. Somehow we ended up accidently holding hands. I still have no idea how that accidently happens, but it wasn't the only time it happened with us. And it's cute, I think. A fun memory. Especially because we were with a huge group of people and in the middle of the movie, the film melted and we didn't get to see the rest of it. Lights came on, people chatted and milled around until discovering that was it for the evening. We sat awkward and embarrased and tried to be normal around the rest of our friends who had no idea. And then we all walked home. I remember that night very vividly.

But I wonder what I will remember tomorrow...

November 14, 2009

Dear Diary,

It has been a considerably low-key day, but for some reason, I feel like I have much to tell you about. First of all, I have not neglected my assignment this week, but have still not met anyone who meets those criteria. Perhaps tomorrow at the race. I have to be up and ready to run 9 miles in less than 6 hours, now. I have to be up in less than 6 hours, that is. Not run the 9 miles in less. Although if it takes me 6 hours, I have gotten really, really, slow over the past few weeks.

The hard part is that I haven't been good at training. So 9 miles, tomorrow might actually feel like a marathon. There's always the option of skipping out. Not going. Kissing that forty bucks goodbye. But then, I have a hard time doing that. It may not be so hard at 6 in the morning, though...I'll let you know tomorrow...

And as my awareness of the depressingly small number of guys who meet the assigned criteria increases, I continue to read about the author's "program." He recommends going out with anyone once. (As long as they're not dangerous). And while I can see his point, I'm wondering what are your thoughts? I thought it was not such a bad idea. He sold it as dating "practice" and self-discovery. However, some have expressed the opinion that the whole idea sounded ridiculous. You become linked with people. And some develop or repress interest based on who you've been "linked" with in the past. So does it disparage my reputation to go out with a guy I wouldn't normally be interested in simply because I'm following "the program?"

And notable #3 of the evening is the appearance of Radar in my Inbox. Ordinarily, this is a heart-warming occurrence, but not overly exciting. But he made a comment today that made me again question where he was going with such a comment. But then, I have a tendency to read into everything a guy says. (Because I'm a girl, and we do that sort of thing). When in actuality, he could just be curious for curiosity's sake...

I'll email him back tomorrow...and perhaps run 9 miles. But who knows what tomorrow holds...

November 13, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today is my sister's birthday. Unfortunately she's out of town at present so I didn't get to celebrate with her tonight. On a positive note, it's the end of another week, and sis will be back tomorrow so, there'll be much celebratin' to commence then. Plus, I had some ice cream (or a shake anyway) in her honor tonight. Also, we are down to just one week away from the great Cincinnati adventure. I'm so excited to see Bing in the role in which he won my heart some 9 or 10 years ago. My life has never been the same.

And I get to see one of my best friends who I don't get to see very often. She's the reason I get to go at all. A little over a year ago, she and another good friend surprised me with a visit to FL, so I get to halfway return the sentiment next week. Except that I only get to see one of them, and it's not a surprise, but other than that...

And then of course, there's Radar. We'll just see what happens with that. My guess is nothing. But there's no sense in going into it with that attitude, so I'm open...

You might also be excited to know that there's apparently absolutely nothing wrong with my car. Yes, the (brand-spankin' new) battery was low, but it's charged now, and holding it fine. There's absolutely no reason it should have died on me Wednesday. (But it did, so I'm having trouble being confident in the vehicle at the moment). At least there was no money to be forked out on the hospital stay and tests administered.

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a lady who's going to help me throw a party in December and I wisely scheduled it well into the afternoon so that much rest can be obtained. It should be a fun afternoon because there are also plans to shop, go to the movies, and potentially catch some of the Children's Miracle Network PGA tournament at Disney World. That might afford me some opportunities to catch up on my "log" of mingles.

But then, there's no tellin' what tomorrow holds...

November 12, 2009

Dear Diary,

Here we go again. Let me first say that I am fairly happy and content with my life at present. It doesn't always seem that way, because I keep getting these curveballs thrown my way. But here's the latest. My car is dead again. At this moment, it's sitting at the dealer after an afternoon of diagnostics, and there's still no prognosis. This makes me a little sad. Mostly because I fear what it might do to my pocketbook. Mechanic says that if it's electrical, it's not covered under warranty. If they gave me a faulty battery, it won't cost a thing. If it's not the latter, I'm hoping it's somewhere in between. My fear is that it is the alternator.

But apart from the damage it may cause to my purse, it also causes me to drive around a vehicle I'm not entirely comfortable with. To me, it's a gigantic truck. To those who know trucks, it's just a Ranger. Apparently that's not big. But neither am I, so....

Anyway, if you leave off the part about my car, things are going pretty well right now. My diet is working out properly. I leave for Cincinnati in about a week. And I'm still keeping a log of people I meet that meet those 3 previously stated qualifications. (So far, we're at 1 for the week. The one I told you about on Sunday).

So hopefully tomorrow's events will bring another into my world, so I can put up a second tally mark. Otherwise, my prospects are looking bleaker than I realized...

Will tomorrow come through for me?...

November 11, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today is Veteran's Day. There was a program at school to honor such individuals and I was doing fine until we got to the Salute to the Armed Forces. That always trips me up. Hearing the song of each branch and seeing such proud members and veterans stand for that song really gets to me. In a good way, of course.

Everyone always says they love a man in uniform, and it's true. Apart from seeing guys in uniform, I also am especially drawn to movies about war or military. This is probably contrary to what you might believe about me. But let me clarify. I am not talking about Saving Private Ryan or Blackhawk Down. These are fine movies. And I don't dare discredit them. But I tend to go for the "Anchors Aweigh," "On The Town," or (you guessed it) "White Christmas" variety.

I realize this is not an accurate picture of war or what the service is all about. But it still brings pride in my country every time I see them.

I have to admit though, I have a favorite veteran. One that fought in World War II. One I had precious little time to get to know. One I think of often. One I miss dearly. My Grandpa Fritz. He's who I always think of on days like today.

But I wonder who I'll think of tomorrow...

November 10, 2009

Dear Diary,

Step one of any matrimonial pursuit involves diet & exercise. And while I readily admit that I haven't been the queen of fitness as of late, I have proven myself faithful on my diet. Even creating boundaries in terms of where I can go in a social setting (most frequently with my family). And I have seen results now that I would pay money to see. It isn't always reflected on the scale, but often in the mirror. I am fitting into clothes I have not been comfortable in for some time. This week, I ought to be picking up the running again (as I'm due to run a 15K on Sunday), so that should even create a catalyst for the scale end of the deal. Ideally. At times when you increase your activity level, the scale is mean to you. But that's because of the well-documented fact that muscle weighs more than fat. And that's what I always tell myself when the scale is unkind...whether exercise is involved or not.

Step two is to "get out there." This book that I have been telling you about is really forcing me to expand my social setting. Not just the same places I already frequent, but to change my traffic pattern. And not only that, but to mention off-handedly...no, no...to beg...my friends to set me up. Introduce me to people. Be a match-maker. If only for 1 date.

As skeptical as I am toward this "date almost anyone once" philosophy that the author has, I have committed to going through with "the program." So here, it is Diary. My permission, and not only that, but my request, that you (meaning anyone capable of reading this entry) introduce me to your friends. I am ready and willing to have an evening out. It's not an evening to find a husband. It's just a date (so the author keeps drumming in my head). Even if it means I fly to connecticut or take a trip to visit family in Atlanta or Colorado or whereever. A roadtrip just makes it more exciting! :)

There it is. I reluctantly give you my permission. ...Now, be kind....

And let me know what tomorrow holds...

November 9, 2009

Dear Diary,

I love my dad for many things, but one of them is that he sometimes just handles the car issues, so that a single girl like myself doesn't have to deal with it. He spent the chief of the day driving from dealer to parts store back to dealer in order to get a new battery and get it installed properly. It took a very long time. And I'm glad he took care of it. I admit, I don't handle the stress of such life maintenance very well. It's another very great argument in favor of matrimony.

So on that note, let me make another confession. I did not meet anyone today that satisfied the 3 qualifications I told you about yesterday. That doesn't mean I did anything wrong today. Like I said, I'm not required to fill a quota yet. However, I may yet head out to the store of something tonight. I may not, too.

One sad thing I can report to you though is that I haven't seen much of Mystery Man for awhile. I hope he returns. Although I don't think he's the one for me. I think I've pretty well convinced myself (for the time being) that Radar ought to show some promise her soon. Or not. I always anticipate much when I'm about to see him. And write him off as soon as the visit is over. For now though, we can count him in. Which may make this book assignment superfluous. Perhaps not...

We'll just see what tomorrow holds...

November 8, 2009

Dear Diary,

It's time to take a good serious look at where I'm at in life. First of all, my laptop is acting a bit "on the fritz." Got up this morning to head to church and my car was dead. Had every intention of following my first assignment from the new book and I met no one.

So I stepped back and began to wonder. Do I really belong in Orlando? Do I really want to be doing what I'm doing? Do I really want to experience the Apple side of life?

No, no. I'm coming back to my senses. My laptop is in recovery so there's no need to chuck everything I believe in and switch to Mac. And my car will be well taken care of in the morning. (I hope). The truck is a temporary fix that I can live with. And my assignment?

Ok, well let me explain that one. This book that a friend sent me yesterday is showing some real promise. It has been inspiring so far, anyway. But it has asked me to first of all formulate a team of accountability. Check. (That's you, Diary). And then it asked me to report at least once a week to my team (we talk every night) about the new gentlemen I come in contact with. These gentlemen have to satisfy three criteria.

1. They have to be brand new to me.

2. They have to have spent enough time with me to have an opportunity to have interest in me.

3. They have to have some way of getting in touch with me.

So, since the car wouldn't start this morning, I rode with the little brother to his church which is considerably larger than mine. This was a good start, I thought. And greater prospect for meeting people. But as the book's author predicted, I did not meet anyone, there. I only spoke to my family. I'm just not an outgoing, throw myself into other people's conversation kind of girl. Strike one. After church we went to lunch. But we had a waitress rather than the more masculine variety of waitstaff. Strike two. So back home and quality time with Pigeon. Dad came over later and we jumped the car and headed to the dealer to drop it off. Unfortunately the gate was closed so we headed to Walmart's Automotive to check the battery. There were surely going to be some potentials there.

Now, I must pause here, because Walmart proved to be a success story for what the book called for. However, the book does not say there must be interest on my part. In fact, he very clearly states that's not his point. He just wants to see where and how often there is activity. So, at the Walmart Automotive, there was a guy who looked at my car. He was new to me. We had possibly 20 minutes of interaction (although all primarily about the car). And he took my phone number (as a business transaction, but he took it nonetheless). Honestly, I don't remember this gentleman's name, nor could I care less if I ever saw him again. But he satisfies the assignment.

It's not a numbers game yet. Right now, we're just tallying to see where we are. Pretty soon, though I'll have a quota to fill. That should get interesting...

We'll just see what tomorrow holds...

November 7, 2009

Dear Diary,

Things seem to be going really well, lately. I've stayed on my diet and lost a tiny bit of weight. I get to see Radar in 2 weeks. And I was recently given another dating book with some promise. Haven't gotten too far into it, but I can't help being eager to read it.

Also, I was able to take advantage of one of those educator freebies today. Sea World, Orlando has a study pass (that may or may not be discontinued in 2010) that allows Florida (and I think Georgia) educators into the park for free all year long. I have known about it for some time, but finally got to go today. And if seeing Michael Jackson's "This Is It" last night wasn't inspiring enough, the show Believe put me over the edge. I really, really want to follow my dreams.

...I just wish I could decide on one...

This other nice thing is that I have a course lined up to teach at Florida State this summer, so that will also make things a bit more interesting, as well as be a great addition to my curriculum vitae.

And do you remember that book club I told you about looonnng ago? Well, we're actually having a meeting next weekend. ...I'm not going though. I forgot about it and scheduled an appointment right in the middle of it.

So, that was today. I wonder what tomorrow holds...

November 6, 2009

Dear Diary,

Did you see the vanity plate I saw on my way to work this morning? It screamed "Bitter Girl" according that the book "Don't be That Girl." The words on the license plate were "Over Men."

Okay, sometimes I get that. But isn't it a bit much to put that on a vanity plate? Just seems a little childish somehow.But then, maybe it's childish to read books like "Don't Be That Girl."

One time, I had told a friend about the book. I had been reading various "dating" books, and this one seemed to spark her interest. So when I finished it, I loaned it to her. She read it in a couple days and then went on vacation. You know what she did, though? She had a mutual friend return it to me. A guy friend, who I happened to be very interested in at the time.

Yea, that's what I want. The guy I like returning a bright pink book about dating to me. Super. Smart going, friend.

Wonder what tomorrow holds...

November 5, 2009

Dear Diary,

I'm sitting here playing Loaded Questions with my brother and a friend. This game and I go way back. It's actually my favorite game (next to TwistLister and a shameless plug for my own game-writing).

We discovered this game in college and ended up playing until the wee hours of the morning. And it was shortly after Radar and I broke up for the first or second time. And really the first time I felt like I was actually getting to know him.

And one question that I remember from that night and from just about every subsequent game of Loaded Questions since is "What is one song that reminds you of a previous relationship?" And the answer that Radar gave has stuck with me and has always brought him to mind when I hear it played.

As luck would have it, it rarely occurred to me to think about him with that song otherwise. But playing this game always reminds me of him. And always reminds me of that question and that moment.

I hope that tomorrow doesn't have as many sentences that start with "And..."

November 4, 2009

Dear Diary,

It has been an amusing few days. Very enjoyable, but amusing. You know about all the Taylor-ness. But the other occurrance is that the videos that I shot at the show seem to be getting a lot of attention.

I've been playing around with videos for awhile. I guess it started a few years back when I got a cheap camera and was fortunate enough to catch Bruce Willis at his Netflix concert at Kennedy Space Center. I got some good grainy video then. One in particular features Bruno performing "Paint it Black" at a sound check. That's the one that has gotten the most attention. But I've taken other videos of Taylor Hicks, Richard Marx, Michael W Smith, and various Disney attractions.

While teaching a class once, I had a group use a video in their presentation and it was nicely edited and I wondered how they did that. They dropped the names of a couple of different programs, and I started experimenting. I took a lot of video on my 30th Birthday and made myself a little movie from it. Then I went to New York for a visit and took some more video and edited it together to make a nice montage.

I put together that "Chick Flick" movie for my own entertainment, and compiled some footage of Bing for a cute little "short." I've even taken to making video "yearbooks" for my class every year.

But I've never had a decent camera until recently. And things have been somewhat of a blur over the past week. From time to time, I have had comments about doing something with video. Making a career out of it. Or some kind of job. And with the momentum of the past few days and still trudging through this awful book about having your dreams fulfilled, I'm starting to wonder if I wouldn't really like doing something along those lines.

I'm not saying I'm ready to quit my job or that I have any such gigs lined up, but it's a curious little thought that seems to keep appearing lately. It's possibly something I'll have to keep you updated on. Because also, there's a line from Gilmore Girls that keeps popping up with that thought. "It wasn't like it was a hard thing to do, but he did it good."

So who knows what tomorrow holds...

November 3, 2009

Dear Diary,

I'm sitting here watching "Presenting Lily Mars" with Judy Garland and her "mom" just said the line "If you wanna git whatcha want ya gotta go where it is, now doncha?"

Well, for the past few days, I have been at Taylor Hicks camp, it seems. It's been fun following him for a couple days and being a fan. And I have considered hopping in the car this weekend and going on down to Ft. Myers for some sister time and another showing of Grease. ...With potentially another meet & greet opportunity. And if what I wanted was truly Taylor Hicks, I suppose there are ways of stalking and following him enough that I'd have that opportunity, but not so much that he'd be turned off by it. But as exciting as that sounds, I found myself feeling a bit blue and somewhat drawn toward someone else when sis brought up his name today.

She began to look through pictures of a certain fella today and I thought about how much the thought of him makes me smile. Even in the midst of Taylor camp. I'm not calling the wedding off just yet, I'm just saying that Radar is still there, at the forefront of my mind, frequently, and even more so with such anticipation for the next 3 weeks.

Did I mention that he can't wait? He wishes my visit was now. That's awfully sweet of him. On the other hand, have you seen this picture?

... Wonder what tomorrow holds...

November 2, 2009

Dear Diary,

I honestly can't believe I met him again! Like I said, yesterday, I had put the idea of a Meet and Greet out of my mind. I wasn't counting on it at all. And because of that, I had nothing for him to sign, so I snagged an EPCOT map from a DVC counter. All in all, that's perfect for me. I love having Taylor's signature on something Disney. It makes him like one of the family.

As it turns out, yesterday while in line for the show, I happened to meet a terrific group of people and they were the ones that tipped me off about the meeting after the shows. So, I waited around along with a handful of others and we got our meet and greet. I had him sign Spaceship Earth and then asked for a picture. However, for all the good things about my new camera, it has no flash. So the fella with him was holding a flashlight so he could see to sign autographs, so I asked him to shine it at us as I attempted to take a "self-portrait" with my non-flash camera. Having short arms and standing next to such a tall figure made it rather difficult, so my Taylor asked if he could try. He took the camera, crouched down low and tried to take the pic, but still no dice. Finally, the fella with the flashlight (could have been one of the band members, actually) offered to take it and hold the light at the same time. He actually even took two! So, one cuts off Taylor's beautiful gray hair, but at least I've got some to choose from.

And then I found out moments later that my friends I met in line also snapped a picture with flash. We had traded emails before so hopefully that one will arrive shortly.

In the meantime, I've gotta run my fiance down to Ft Myers for his spot in Grease tomorrow. I'll catch you all then...

...When I see what the rest of tomorrow holds...

November 1, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today was a good day. I don't even know where to begin. But where it all ends up is with Taylor Hicks. I knew this was coming. And I knew the energy would continue well into the evening. And you know what? It all happens again tomorrow!

But today, I spent the day at EPCOT with a friend, and preparing for the big event in the evening. The big event began 2 hours earlier than expected when the line had begun to form already outside the American Gardens Theatre. It was a nice wait, though. Met some great people who are dedicated fans. Fellow members of the SOUL PATROL!!!! I think it has actually become a law that those two words, when used next to each other, have to be shouted.

Anyway, there were no meet and greets tonight, and I actually anticipated that and prepared myself for it. Instead, though I had a better camera than before and so the photographic evening was far superior to the previous shows. ...If it weren't for that pesky "no video-taping" rule, anyway.

At any rate, I am again disiniterested in the other options out there for the time being. Taylor is the one.

And we're going out again tomorrow...So I'll tell you more then...